As Christians, we tend to throw around the word forgiveness quite a bit, but I wonder - do we really and truly grasp the depth and difficulty behind what TRUE forgiveness is? Jesus tells us we're to forgive 70 x 7 times, which means we forgive wholly and completely. But what does this look like?
On the one hand, our tendency is to go, "Fine, I forgive you, but don't ever darken my doorstep again." Can we really truly forgive, but still keep the relationship broken? Or does forgiveness entail at least in part repairing the relationship?
When God says he forgives us, is he saying, "I forgive you, but I want nothing to do with you"? No, that's not really forgiveness then. Forgiveness in the eyes of God is a large part of putting us back into right relationship - both with Him and with one another. It means relationship is being restored.
Yet - this issue can get quite complicated when you're dealing with someone who has really, really hurt you and wronged you in some fashion. If they come seeking forgiveness, what do you do? You know the dangers of letting them back into your life if they haven't actually changed.
And I suppose that's another element of forgiveness... has the behavior stopped? One of my seminary professors put it this way: sometimes you have to let them hang on the cross for a while before you forgive them. To illustrate his point... should a woman who is being beaten by her husband have to just accept the abuse and say, "Well, I know he's human, so I forgive him?" Or rather, does an intervention need to take place first? A confrontation where his sin is placed before him and the demand made that it stop before we can forgive? But now comes the question - when the behavior stops, and forgiveness can happen - what does that mean for the relationship? Is it fully restored now? Do they pick up where they left off? Does it move forward in new ways? Or do they part company and go their separate ways?
Is not forgiveness about engagement, not disengagement? Case in point - I had someone who harmed me very deeply 15 or so years ago, and did a lot of things that, in my view, made ANY form of relationship that wasn't hostile impossible. 15 years later - he's asking for forgiveness. What do I do? Give him his desired absolution and tell him to go on his way? Has he truly changed, and how do I know? Can I forgive him without knowing whether the behavior has altered? Do I have to engage him in some fashion in order to find out so that true forgiveness can really and truly occur? (My sneaking suspicion is that the behavior has NOT changed, he's just looking to ease his conscience... and is it my place to give him that absolution so he can feel better about himself and what he does?) Is not forgiving without the demand that the behavior stop just further enabling the person, making them think it's okay to hurt people, because well - they'll be forgiven anyway?
We Christians live in a tension - that tension of our "left and right" kingdoms. The right kingdom being the spiritual kingdom where Christ reigns supreme, where forgiveness is complete and we have been put right with God in this kingdom. The left kingdom, however is where sin still is not only present, but continues to run a-muck. It is the temporal world in which we currently live and reside. In this kingdom, the problem of human sinful behavior is still at the forefront of every relationship we're in. Christ has been our "intervention" to put us back into right relationship with God and ultimately with one another - but even there, death is still a necessity in order for "new creation" to occur and that "right relationship" to be fully restored. We cannot fully enter into the "right kingdom" unless we first die to ourselves and are raised to new life.
Yet, as Christians - we're still called to live as "new creations" as best we can. So how do we, in our limited, sinful ways, still realize that "new creation" in our relationships with others through forgiveness? If I forgive, does it not mean that I now have to trust as well that there has been a change in this individual? And if there IS a change, then doesn't that mean we are now open to engage in a newly restored and healed relationship, albeit a very different relationship than before?
Is this possible?
